When alcohol tears a family apart...

NEISHA

My brother and his wife have been married about 5 years and is the second marriage for both. My sister in law has 10 year old child from her previous marriage that considers my brother as the only dad she's ever know and he loves her like his own. They also have a toddler from this marriage. The problem is this...my sister in law drinks wine all day-everyday. Her drunken states range from sicky sweet to complete monster. She says she doesn't have a problem and doesn't remember half the time what she says or does. Her violent episodes are increasing and happening more often. Many times my sister in law will get mad at their 10 year old daughter and slap her across the face with all her might. It's obvious the little girl is developing problems because she lies, steals, and manipulates. Last night she tried to take the car and when my brother wouldn't let her, she slapped him very hard, through dishes and other hard, breakable objects at him and he lost his cool and hit her back once in effort to stop her from continuing to physically attack him. Their children are witness to these outbursts and become upset. My brother doesn't know what to do or where to turn. They are both SDA's and members of a church where they live. My brother has tried on several occasions to talk to their pastor for guidance but, said he really doesn't offer anything more than praying with him. Since they live in another state, it is impossible to offer help by taking the children when times like these happen or attempt to talk to my sister in law, etc. Besides, she doesn't think she has a problem.

What should a person, such as my brother, or me, do in this case?

talley · Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2002 8:11 pm Post subject:

Dear NEISHA,
From what you posted, the only real help that may make a difference to your brother and the children is if they would find an AlAnon group to learn how to cope with the situation, how to protect the children and learn ways to handle and respond to your sister-in-law.
I have heard from more that one source that AlAnon (for those who live with alcoholics) is a real life saver. Try to point your brother in that direction. If he seems hesitant, go to a few meetings yourself so you can tell him what he might expect. Sounds like it is especially important for the 10 yr old to get to these meetings to be able to get a grip on her own life. Hope this idea helps. tallley