Jewelry

lillster · Seventh-day Adventist Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 1

My daughter is attending an Adventist college in Tennessee and since being there she has gotten a tattoo and a belly ring. Only SDA's should reply to this question please. When she comes home for the summer should we inforce our house rules-"no belly rings"? We have 3 other children and I do not want them to feel as if we condone what she is doing. How do we handle this situation? She knows that we are very upset about her doing this. She feels that she is an adult and can do what she wants. You know the story. Seeking advise.

Liz · Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 10:03 pm Post subject:

This is just my opinion.

If she thinks she is grown up enough to pierce her skin and draw on it, then she is quite old enough and "grown up" enough to pay for her own way through life--including college and the living arrangements therein. She is 18 and legally can do anything she wants, but that doesn't mean you have to pay for it. This would also send a very clear message to the younger set still at home, that if you don't follow the rules while I pay the bills, then you can follow your own rules and you will pay the bills.

Time for some tough love on the outside, and keep on praying on the inside.

Hopefully she will grow out of this rebellious stage. We will be praying for your family. Please keep us posted.

Liz
_________________
The fear (love) of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Proverbs 1:7

spozzie · Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 5:04 am Post subject: Re: Jewelry

Just my opinion, too...

If she is an adult then she should be able to make her own decisions about what she does with her body. Explain to your children that this is the case and that you don't agree with what she has done but that you love her despite her doing something you disagree with. Welcome her home with open arms and don't make a big issue of it. Calmly explain to your children how you feel before she gets there. Loving your daughter is more important than worrying over something she is old enough to decide for herself.

Regards

Steve

tall73 · Seventh-day Adventist Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 96

I suspect the issue is bigger than jewelry. It almost always is. In my years pastoring (only 7!) I have rarely seen an adventist who puts on jewelry simply for a bit of decoration. They know it is frowned on. They know it sends a message. And they are sending it intentionally for someone to hear. So I would say there are two things to look at:

1. How is the rest of her spiritual life? If she is following every trend in the world, then jewelry is simply a symptom of a worldly life. If she is not grounded in Christ then no explanation of the jewelry issue will make any difference. I would frankly be more concerned about

a. is she compromising in other areas?
b. is she being led to abandon Christ?
c. did she ever understand that Christ is more than just rules in the first place?
d. Is an adventist school setting that encourages rebellion a good place for her? This sounds harsh, but some can handle it, some can't.
e. Is she struggling with some kind of guilt or sin in her life, and this is an outward symptom of her guilt?

2. If she is otherwise a growing Christian, understands faith, sanctification through the Spirit, is seeking to server God through witnessing etc. but suddenly has some jewelry, then I would simply sit down and talk through WHY we believe what we do. When I went to adventist college we had a "worship" where we were told we should not wear jewelry. Being a general pain sometimes I asked why. I mean...how fun is a worship if you don't get the dean to at least substantiate what he says? !

He said "because it is school policy". I said "so we do it becuase it is policy, not because the Bible says is?". He essentially said yes.

I replied that if we don't do it because of the Bible we might as well not bother. I then asked him if we did it because old ladies who come to alumni weekend won't give money if we don't...he then seemed eager to end the worship for that night. Kids pick up on these things. They want to know if we really believe something or not.

At another "worship" I was told by the other dean that he considers the 10 commandments to be 10 suggestions that we can't keep.

Now I am not here to bash Adventist Schools. I had one of the most spiritually uplifting times of my life then. But it was because I chose to seek out godly students and we did things together.

Basically our intstitutions, while trying to provide a good atmosphere, offer all that any other place would...every worldy idea, influence, etc. You can find what you are looking for. And sometimes the institutions are not that concerned about explaining WHY we believe what we believe. Now I hope that my experience was unusual. But the facts are that kids can go all the way through our schools and not have the slightest clue why we do what we do. For that matter, adults sit in our churches for years and don't remember either...even after watching EVERY SINGLE NET EVENT EVER MADE! It comes down to being convicted by God that you want to serve him in every way, then studying it out for yourself. Simply learning church rules won't do it.

This is especially true on the jewelry issue for one simple reason--students can, and often do prove the traditionalized view of adventist jewelry to be non-biblical. So deans etc. don't really want to get into biblical conversations.

Let me explain a bit. When we have all kinds of informal rules...brooches are ok, but say a necklace of the same thing is not....hm....watches can be ornate as they like because they are functional....a cadillac is ok, but simple plastic costume jewelry that costs a buck is not. ...I think you get the point. We have not presented a coherent PRINCIPLE based understanding of the jewelry question. And our kids have HYPER SENSITIVE hypocrisy sensors. Especially when they are taught all the rules and norms, but not the reasons.

So to sum up, the first thing I would do is sit down and see if your child is in the faith. Is she struggling with something? Has she fallen into sin and dealing with guilt? Is she having a hard time fitting in with people? I have seen some who wear these things because they are not accepted, and they just run with the stereotypes on non-acceptance. It is a sign to their fellow students that they reject their assessment of them. It sounds odd to us, but I know that was the case for many of my brother's friends. They listened to metal, put in ear rings etc. and basically relished in anything that made them stand out. They wanted someone to notice them, even if it meant being wierd. Not only that but it identified them as part of a sub-culture where they WOULD be accepted, and would accept others. So their physical appearance was a signal to those also struggling with acceptance that "this is a like minded person...a kindred spirit". If you think about it we all do this, sending out subtle signals that like minded people pick up on...just some are less subtle! Once in the sub-culture they follow the norms all the more. In these cases there are a bunch of issues to look at. How to instill in them a better view of their acceptance with God. How to convince them they don't need the approval of others. How to deal with depression etc. from rejection? Sometimes it can be a sign of extended depression which needs some intervention.

These are all reasons I have seen that people wear jewelry.

But most adventist kids know what jewelry is to their family--a sign of rebellion. To those in the world it is often no big deal. I grew up with jewelry all around me, but I just thought of it as a decoration. But for an adventist, they might know why we believe things about jewelry, but they know what we think of it. And if they are wearing jewelry etc. they WANT it it to be noticed. The key is, why is she rebelling? And what is it that she wants you to know by doing it? Jewelry is not the heart issue in most cases. And most times when the heart issue is dealt with the jewelry comes off.

I would really make this a matter of prayer, not just the jewelry but what your child is going through. Because if it is a larger issue they need your guidance. And don't think for a second they won't at least hear you out if you approach them from an angle other than just, "why are you wearing jewelry?" You are still the one that can have the most influence on them for God. But I would not head right into it with the jewelry question first.

godsdaughter · Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 3:53 pm Post subject: Jewelry

im only 13 but i hav an idea about what your saying.
funny enough i am doin a presentation for a friday night programme on this same subject of dress and jewelry.
i guess if you want to hear from me...
and my dad is a pastor in England...
please reply.

God's Daughter [/code]