stairway to heaven

alcyone · Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 11:10 am Post subject: stairway to heaven

how did you find faith ?
what is the extent of your personal relationship with god ?
im thinking of writing down a little story of how I found god and the ongoing journey it has propelled me into..
but it will take some time to formulate, as its still a fresh idea in my mind.. but while im working it over, I would like to hear some experiences from you nice people over here..
have you always been a believer ? or did you just happen to stumble upon proof ?
thanks in advance for any replies..
peace & love Smile

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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

Eugene Shubert · Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 12:06 pm Post subject: Real fellowship with Christ

I don't know the words to spell out my faith experience but I have written a bit on the extent of my personal relationship with God. [1], [2]. I enjoy reading the experiences of others that I can relate to. [3]. I believe in the high honor of genuine fellowship with Christ.

alcyone · Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 8:22 pm Post subject:

This might take a few posts to write down as I cant do all at once :)
I'll just start from the beginning of my experiences, since I think everything is relevant when you are talking about something as vast as god, faith etc.. Both my father and mother are christians, but never really believed that strongly and definetly didn't want to impose any views on me so they let me pretty much decide for myself when growing up.
They did put me in some kind of kindergarden organised by the local church when I was 3-5 but I dont remember much of it.
What I do remember is founding out santa isn't real when I was 5, my older brother let me know on christmas eve just minutes before santa was showing up with da presents!!! felt kinda cheated to be lied to for all this time.. definetly the end of the innocent childhood :)
when I started going to school there were the mandatory times you go to church with the school, spring and christmas.
This is what started what I believe to be my first dislike of church and authority figures around such a personal topic as faith.
when I reached my teens I found philosophy, existentialism,plato,socrates.. the usual stuff. I was pretty into it when it was time for my confirmation, I didn't really want to go on a 2 week long religion teaching camp!
felt pretty horrified of the idea on infact, until I had some talks with my brother.. he is 10 years older than me, he thought me how to meditate that summer .just sitting in the forest and breathing and being :)
it took a week of vacation of explaining and convincing me that it would be a good thing to go to the confirmation camp, it was just cool hanging at our summer place and talk and fish and do nothing.. In retrospect I can see it was done for me, so I would go to my confirmation.. My brother told
that I should just take it as a learning experience that it would be a memory to cherish for life and that I would get alot of presents from family and friends if I knew how to play my cards right :)
and well, I did.. and I went. And it turned out to be fun, but the problem still remained.. I didn't really believe. on the last day the priest asked each and everyone on the camp one at a time if they believed in god, I lied. I said I did.
When the camp was ending, new friends had been made, the summer was really beginning.. teenage years were beginning, sex,drugs and alcohol.
[but its getting late, im heading to bed, I'll continue with this later!]
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 4:35 pm Post subject:

My teenage years from 15 to 18 were pretty much characterized by slacking off in school, cutting class as much as I felt like (im paying the price for this one right now :) ) and being the "joker" in class whenever I was there. Drug experimentation began at 15, i smoked some hash and liked it and continued to use it every once in a while, that was a pretty minor thing compared to my drinking habits.
My family wasn't poor and I had a pretty big allowance and basicly no home-coming hours, as long as I could be reached by my cell phone and just let them know about my runnings it was all cool.
My parents got divorced, not that it really mattered, they'd been living separetly for a year or so, I never really saw it coming..
But my father lived now in another city 200 kilometers away and at home my mothers authority was very much undermined, as I was already a "big kid" (185cm 75kg)
I did what I wanted and did not listen to my mother.
So I just ran from party to party, drinking heavily on the weekends and trying to get laid with as many girls as possible and always smoking some hash for the hangover or just for good sex :)
( in retrospect, I must have been a pretty big asshole for many people, something I regret deeply and try to make up for :) )
When I got out of school, I hadn't learned anything for the past year, just slipping back from my very good grades to being average. I got alot less money from my family than expected cause of my dropping grades and generally too rebellious attitude I was expressing, something which didn't go well in my family.
This changed nothing, cause this summer was about to become my life changing summer, even if it didn't know it then.. I can see it now.
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2004 8:00 pm Post subject:

It was the summer I dug deeper into drugs .
Laughing

it was fun while it lasted, but next year a new school again..
I was a wreck after all the shit i'd been doing.. dont want to go deeper into those drug experiences as they would just fill out pages of space and really not be that intresting :)
but anyhow.. I went to school and started meditating again on a daily basis, just like when I was a kid before I went to get my confirmation.
I noticed how it helped me to relax and structure my thoughts, so i'd be more effective when performing my tasks.
this is how I also started to slowly learn about god..
I also started learning dreaming techniques so I could lucid dream. I've been practicing four years soon. being awake in your dream (knowing you are dreaming) you can do anything!
when the semester was coming to a close I had a course of philosophy.. I tought I knew the stuff there.I had been reading it earlier already..
but one thing I didn't expect was how much my opinions and thoughts had changed on many subjects..
[ tired again and time for dreamland.. maybe tomorrow i'll get to the intresting parts Cool

]
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 10:31 am Post subject:

I think this might be the time to put in a little family history, just so you might gain some understanding of my where im coming from.
I've been writing these posts in small bits, always moving bit forward.. but now came the time when I found out about my family tree and the origins of where I came from..
as you might know, Finland was invaded by the swedes ( the church ) in the years 1000-1100. There wasn't really a country called finland at that time, as there were only scattered tribes of hunters/gatherers and fishers living here. Religion wise the peoples were shamanists/animalists, worshippers of the earth and the sun and the seasons that believed in spirits etc..
Anyway, I was 17. It was midsummer we were at our family summer place with lots of relatives, I hadn't been there for a few summers at midsummer, rather been drinking with friends somewhere. This time was different, I didn't feel like drinking with the grownups or feel like playing with my cousins.
Im a bit of a in-between all my cousins are alot older or alot younger than me. So I just sat around talking with the folks.
After my grandparents from my fathers side had died and my uncle had found the family tree, a sort of history book that every man has written something in about the family since around 1300.. it has changed covers a few times, but there is still lots of original pages left.
Anyways, my uncle had started doing a bit of research into our family history and found out all kinds of intresting things, that the family-book tradition was started already before the swedes came with the church and converted people to christianity by the sword. (always the oldest sons responsibility to write down that generations story)
He told me that our ancestors had been part of a tribe of shamans that were here just passing through when they decided to stay cause of the abundance of berries and shrooms in the forests and lots of wild animals to hunt..and they had just started to settle down and begun to grow herbs and plants from the land.
When the church came and killed off many that didn't want to convert to their beliefs, they were a proud people that dealt with magic & spirits, but peacefull in nature and didn't want a conflict with an overwhelming enemy so some fled up north, those few that are left today are the indigenious people of lapland (the sami) now living across norway,sweden, finland and russia, they have their own language and culture but dont have their own country. Others stayed and converted to christianity and overtime mixed with the tribes coming from the south sweden/germany/russia, some others decided to fake a belief in christ and hide away their old pagan scriptures in caves that have only recently been opened up.
This was the choice of my family elders at the time, hide away old pagan relics and keep the history of the family a secret from the horrors that the church was implementing. This was a very long time ago 1200 something.. it is in one of the first chapters of the book that speaks of the choice and dilemma of the elders. They were situated on an island on the southern coast and there were neighbouring tribes of "finns" and there was an assembly where they talked about the comings of the "swordsman"
choices.
This history had a very profound impact on me, something that left me thinking for quite sometime. I smoked some pot with my uncle and father did night, something I didn't know they did and to my suprise they said that they'd always knew that I smoked and they also said that they didn't care cause it was my choice. and that they weren't suprised cause I was being "led to the path". Something I didn't quite understand at the time.
[I'll continue with this later again]
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2005 8:04 am Post subject:

that summer I met some other kids that live in the same area around our summer place, except they live there all year around.
I had already started to get accustomed to my new worldview
where I saw my family as something important, not just where I came from but as a preserver of our original culture.
As I found more about lost traditions and things concerning the native religions that had been hidden for centuries cause of fear of oppression was only now coming into the light, not the public eye but just a new passing of information from one generation to another..
one day late august that summer, I was walking in the forest with a friend i've grown up with during the summers i've spent there.. I had gotten him into smoking pot already the summer before that and we liked going on hikes into the forest to pick some berries and shrooms loaded with a couple joints along for the ride, when this time the conversation sparked up about spirits and ghosts..
we were sitting at our favourite spots, just passing the joint and eating fresh blueberrys and watching the stars, it was still warm in the night but already dark so you could really see the stars.
we both had agreed that we believed in spirits but were left wondering how our ancestors had contacted them and how the spirits worked through them... we both agreed on finding out more about this, as we were very intrigued about what we both had been told by our parents, the same summer!! we even suspected a small conspiracy.. but hey, who wouldn't.. two drugged out 17 year olds running in awe in the forest :)
in retrospect I can see now that this night, the conversations we had, put my life on a path that i've gained immensly from both in spirit as in physical realms. It has forwarded my knowledge of god and allowed me to form a personal relationship..
but nothing of this was evident this summer, only a sense of mystery and wonder.
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2005 2:15 am Post subject:

after this night, I started having vivid dreams about going places in my dreams, where I would often be flying with a dreamangel of mine, it was showing me places. Like how the minds of humans connect during sleep and how deep down we are all one, I could venture from one persons dreams to another, just like walking through an wide open door.
I had already had some experience with lucid dreams where im able to "control" the surroundings and interact with what is happening there on a very conscious level, but these were different in nature as I wasn't able to control my actions very much.. very limited to choices like 'yes' and 'no'
even if I was aware I was dreaming I couldn't grasp the reality of the situation and was almost in a sort of state where im just lying in my bed knowing im asleep but just watching a "slideshow" in my head where I can go on with yes or no.. each choosing a direction in the way of the slideshow. Now at the time, I was confused but strangely empowered by the dreams, feeling more confident than usual in my daily activities but also aware of the more subtle realities of the day.. and more importantly in the coming weeks I learned alot during the nights about how my psyche works, how things that happen in the day come up during the night and how things that come up during the night happen in the day.
The same dreamangel that had appeared to me for a few weeks in my dreams made its "first contact" during one of my daily meditations.. it introduced itself to me as a helper/guardian angel that has been with me and my ancestors since the dawn of time, it told that almost every person on earth has one or more of these spirit watchers and that the dimension where the spirits reside is always present in our world and that they are carefully balancing us over to this new place in time, leading us to find out what we need inside ourselves so we can find peace..
[right now im starting to get to the part where some people call me schizo or just that my vivid imagination plays tricks, funny how modern medicine puts religious experiences in with the crackpots ,every1 wants to be jesus, but I'll just get on with my writing tomorrow, peace]
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:55 am Post subject:

I hadn't been in contact with my friend that was with me in the forest when we both first started diggin' deeper into the world of spirits and when i did we both talked about similar experiences, of dreams going weird and about messages from safe-keepers of the earth.
To some extent did it comfort me in knowing that I wasn't experiencing these things alone, but to another I was going WTF is happening to us..
still I couldn't bring myself to the state of going to talk with my parents or someone else that could have been knowledgeable in this subject..
my friend was obviously more shaken about what had been going on and I did my best to calm and make his thoughts at peace.
when I did, at the same time, I became overwhelmed with a deep peace within that allowed me to take a step back and look at my thoughts and formulate them into words in a more precise manner.
Now to this day, I still carry that peace :)
when I meditate, there is a place in my mind where I find this deep pool of peace and tranquility where I can rest my spirit and replenish my energies, both mentally and physically.. kinda like a permanent temple/altar in my minds eye :)
The very same night after saying goodbyes and exchanging secret handshakes and determining a preliminary date when we were going to meet up again I had the most beatiful dream i've ever had..
this dream if written out entirely would take up pages, I have some notes that I wrote down when I woke up from it, but based on that information I could go on and on.. but I wont as I planned in the beginning only to tell a short story of how I found my faith and I see now that it really isn't that short, so I'll just cut it and put up a short description what happened..

I was in a white room, filled with floating bubbles of images all around, a little like soap bubbles.. one bubble had images of yesterday while another had images of tomorrow and one had a image of me sleeping.
My dreamangel that was a regular host of my dreams nowadays told me that I had done correct during the day, that I had comforted my friend and succeeded in that by not showing my own doubts. And that I would be rewarded for this, that the holy spirit that moves through everything would teach me and care for my journey until it was finished. After this I was suddenly on a green hill, with all my friends and family and some more people.. it was a big island with a mountain where a big lantern stood and a waterfall coming out from a hole that fell into a beatiful lagoon..
my signature is a short description about this place that I wrote down when I woke up..
[I'll get on with my telling later]
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2005 8:23 am Post subject:

after this eventfull autumn my life was forever changed.. I had awakened an inner calling within me, a calling back to spirit..
a sort of ancient but very natural connection with god & nature and to work as a mediator between the realm of spirits and what you and I call daily reality..
I hadn't made things very clear to me just yet, there was just so much I was experiencing and everyday felt like a test, like walking a thin line where you cant go forward unless you do right.
I'll dedicate this post to the experience I had one evening while meditating, when I consciously chose to start believing in god and the proof I experienced at once.
I had been sitting next to my garden just breathing and feeling the universe for maybe half an hour, my dreamangel (the same spirit i've had in my dreams and speakin' whispers in my ears.. ) told me to get ready for a suprise and left me wondering, the chatter in my mind increased as random thoughts sprung up I took a deep breah and let go of it all to return to my being.
Almost instantly I felt a deep humming sound, coming not from my ears, but from my head, as the sound grew louder with bass, I was almost shaking in my bones, knowing not what to expect..
I entered into a sort of trance-state where I wasn't really there, I was in deep communion with the humming sound, it asking questions of me and me asking questions of it. So here I was explaining my personal beliefs for a spirit.
(some might say that there is no such thing as spirit, that the "voices" u hear are just schizophrenic effects or that it is only your own head that, but I dont care about these people [some opions and discussion could be nice] , I only relay what's been going on and how my mind has interpreted it, you choose what you believe.. but I know where im heading with this and there is a unifying message in the end that might settle some confusion )
This spirit was agitated with my answers and I was increasingly more calm and in control. I was still in this weird-humming-trance-state just sitting on the floor changing thoughts and emotions with the spirit entity, until it came to a question if I believe in god and if so do I believe god is good ?
here I replied that I hadn't really thought of the question in many years and the last time I had thought about it was before anything involving spirituality had occured to me, but now I took some time and peaked deep into my heart to see if I had the answer there. And I did, and I answered that I did believe and that yes god was good.
as to why and how I could be certain I said im here aint I and that god does 'feel' good :)
satisfied with the response the humming noise started to fade and increase in pitch
as it lifted away totally from me, it felt like lightning had struck my spine
my heart was "on fire" and when I opened my eyes the world had colors that weren't there :)
and in my mind my angel returned, told me I had passed the test, that I'd done my first good deed in the spirit world, giving hope and the love of god to a lost soul..
I felt touched and dropped a tear.I didn't know I was doing that I proclaimed, I was just being me..
[ I'll get on with this later again, writing these posts has done tremendous amounts to my being as I've gotten things down on paper that has never been uttered ]
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity

alcyone · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 11:11 pm Post subject:

after this night I told my parents.. i'd been going crazy on drugs, flipping out into other dimensions where i'd been talking to spirits of plants and ancestors and whatnot, hearing voices, seeing angels in my dreams and now to top it off, totally sober just sitting in my garden this sudden visitation by something.
they didn't react the way I thought they would.
They mostly just calmed me down and said that I should just explain it to them again, with more words and acccuratly.. i was confused at this point, didn't know why.. i did anyway. after a long talk about everything from god and the universe and HOW to deal with spirits and drugs ( i had no idea, apparently they knew, im here aint I :) )
next morning I was told that I have this gift, of bringing messages, ideas, thoughts, sounds even objects (haven't worked this one out ;) )
into THIS reality from another plane of existance
when I quietly protested and said that im not sure if I want to.. I was denied the opportunity with a serious reply "if you go and jump head first into the water, you better learn to swim"
So I had my basic family shaman 101. (found a curious reason to why there's so many doctors in family :) )
Learned how to accept my responsibility
and that drugs aren't to be messed with, unless you know what you are doing, and that you cant know unless you've done them so that brings us to the real paradox, just say no seems like the easiest answer :)
And that all real knowledge comes from the holy spirit that is within you and that when you die we will all be together in gods kingdom..
Anyway, I had my physical confidence restored and with my new found spiritual confidence I knew there was nothing in this world I couldn't accomplish, I was going to travel far across lands spreading messages of peace and hope, teach people how to love in seven different languages and reach for the stars in the universal spirit of creativity.. and I was going to do it now!
I felt very energized and moved like this had been the opportunity i've been waiting for. Now there was only to be worked out a masterplan, of how and when, and then decision to Do it all was made..
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dancing to the tune of love on the green hills of eternity