He is merciful and kind and tenderhearted toward us, even when we are angry and distressed, even when we are railing against Him and blaming Him. He knows the storms of our souls, knows this sickness we all carry inside us called sin and what it does to us. He is compassionate toward us.

The Lord has been patiently wrestling with me to get up at His appointed hour to spend time with Him in the morning. I'm not so great at this -- His appointed hour happens to be 4 a.m. -- but I have to admit, for some reason, I can sure "hear" a lot better at that hour than any other. Maybe it's because the rest of the world is quiet then!

I have to state that the past couple of days were not so good for me. I seem to be on a 5-10 day cycle of some sort where my faith and devotion will peak wonderfully, and then without warning I will spiral down to the lowest depths of my own personal 'hell', and lose touch with God, feel forsaken, the whole nine yards. Depression? Spiritual warfare? maybe a little of both. Things I joyfully embraced just days before as certain assurances of His word suddenly evaporate (and much of my sanity with them).

But He always keeps ahold of me, and He doesn't lose track of me even if I lose track of Him.

This morning He roused me with these words, "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way thou shalt go; I will guide thee with Mine eye." Now of course I know that's from scripture, but I didn't know where in scripture. And I'd been crying out to Him so much yesterday (in the midst of all this darkness) - God where are You? Please speak to me, I need to hear You! I need You to guide me!

So as I was praying and talking with Him this morning (and confessing and forsaking sin) He told me -- or rather at least, I got the impression -- "read Psalm 32." So I did. It started out,

"Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit. "

And it got better and better, describing exactly what it feels like when I'm down in that dark place and how it feels when sin, or even the awareness of sinfulNESS, makes me feel lost and far from Him. Verse 7 is beautiful promises:

"You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance."

But then I got to verse 8 ... VERSE 8 ... WOAH!!!

Verse 8 reads:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye. "

The exact same words He had woken me up with, as if He was reassuring me, "you see? I AM really here, and I DO really talk to you ... you just need to come to Me and listen."

He is so good!

Narcissa,
Thank You for sharing your spiritual struggles which I know EVERYONE GOES THROUGH including me.The highs and lows of our SPIRITUAL WALK can strengthen us that the LORD IS REALLY FAITHFUL in the middle of TESTING FIRE.FOCUS NOT ON THE HARDSHIPS...BUT ON THE PROMISES OF THE LORD TO PULL US THROUGH just like what you have encountered yourself.

Very seldom I find people of GOD to be TRANSPARENT in their DIFFICULTIES with their christian walk.I does not help me to hear how some dedicated christians up in the glory of GOD without sharing HOW THEY COME TO THAT POINT..THEIR DIFFICULTIES TO GET TO THAT GLORIOUS state.

We need more TRANSPARENT CHRISTIANS from Upper levels(Leaders)through the lower levels(Baby christians)TRANSPARENT MEANS NO PRETENSIONS..HONEST TO THE CORE ABOUT EVERYTHING.If we are dishonest with our REAL MOTIVATIONS AND INTENTIONS we fool ourselves more than anything,it is also a form of playing DENIAL.DENIAL will releive for a short time your anguish but..but..THE PROBLEM IS STILL THERE HANGING IN OUR HEADS.

So please do not PLAY PRETEND..BE TRUTHFULLY HONEST WITH YOUR FEELINGS,MOTIVATIONS & INTENT it pays a great dividends not only for your selves but to GOD..WHO KNOWS IT ANYWAY NO MATTER HOW YOU HIDE.

I am in a fiery trial of a sort this season and at times it can seem to overwhelm me,frustrate me,burned out myself.I come to GOD constantly to ask for help ,releive from my pressing problems.Sometimes I approached GOD in my frustration that is not right. Of course because ,the enemy of our souls attack us through our EMOTIONS which the devil most of the time do to me.Discerning if it is the voice of the enemy...bring it captive ..DO NOT BELEIVE & ACCEPT HIS LIES & DECEPTIONS!My repentance goes out daily because I realize the enemy sends relentless attacks to wear us down.

Is this board alive?Or is it only I that goes here?Is it only I who happens to have this exasperating experience?I'd like to hear your thoughts on these.


THE VALUE OF TRANSPARENCY
In the eathly ministry of our LORD,one of the things that stands out is HIS sense of realness.HE RENOUNCED SUPERFICIALITY in HIMSELF and demanded the same in HIS followers.The meaning of the word REAL is not what you might think.
When you are REAL,you are immoveable and steadfast (1 COR 15:58)THERE IS NO PHONINESS OR HYPOCRISY.This adds to your FREEDOM..NO MORE PRETENTIONS.When you BLOW IT..YOU QUICKLY ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF & GOD.You are not that person UP IN GLORY ALL THE TIME you have your down moments too.This type of person can really get down to the bottom of Kingdom Living.

The UP IN THE GLORY CHRISTIAN all the time cannot help those who are STRUGGLING in their daily lives.And the struggling Christian ask themselves..."How did she do it?Is she some kind of a superhero?Why am I have to struggle and not the super hero?"That is the reason why we have to share that struggles so we can help one another..to uplift us when we are down.I do not care if you are called by GOD to be a prophet,charismatic leaders,and or just the ordinary housewife trying to serve GOD in the church (not desperate housewives that one is out of my league).

As GOD reveals HIMSELF to you as individual beleivers and as you seek HIM closely,there is no denying HE is GOD.Authoritative,brutally frank,disciplinarian yet very loving,caring on the other hand.What HE wants from us is our OBEDIENCE,DEDICATION because HIS priority is to transform us to HIS liking(Character Conversion).HE cannot use us unless we show CHARACTER in HIS chosen servants.

I may say it is the HARDEST thing one has to undergo..but ask for GRACE & use it to the full .This daily sanctification is very necessary to build you in the days ahead as you serve.You have to choose the spirit over your flesh constantly,the LORD is always there to guide & correct you if you bungle up.His constant grace is there for you .Some of HIS reprimands(scourgings in ancient text) can be tough and quite painful at times(okey,okey it is so bleep,bleep painful),it will make you think twice before jumping on your selfish plans.His rod & staff to discipline and correct can sting but always remember HE is foremost a GOD ,a parent,a best friend,a lover, a husband,a brother.HIS ways are too big for us to even comprehend because our perception is limitted compared to HIS vastness..as big as the universe HE created.Figuring HIM out sometimes will put you to tailspin and headache as big as the ice cream cone I tell ya.But I do appreciate HIS bullseye strategy on me because I am a person who don't like beating around the bush.When HE corrects me it's always direct hit(hitting the nail on the head in layman's term).Some people cannot handle that ,the LORD will have to walk on eggs to try to correct you

I AM retrofitting My Bride(every member of Christ church)and when I AM finish with her retrofitting,she will cause great destruction to the enemy satan and all his lies & deceptions.I will have a people unto MYSELF that will ONLY LOOK TO ME,their GOD for direction & guidance NOT ON carnal human resources..I AM THE ONLY RESOURCE OF ALL YOU NEED!


STOP LOOKING FOR OTHER CARNAL HUMANS TO FULFILL YOUR NEEDS WHAT I,YOUR GOD CAN ONLY FULFILL.

Listen for My still small voice..if you quiet yourself you will hear me.If you keep in MY WORD,WORSHIP ME,AND ACTUALLY DO MY WORD(fully abide in ME your Jesus)then, My Glory will be your rear guard.If you stretch out your hand to feed the hungry and take in those who are outcast,and seek out those who are lost(sinners of all levels eg..blatant sinners,baby sinners,in between sinners,and those who pretend they are not sinners)
then, you will ride on the high hills of the earth.

I AM retrofitting teachers,prophets,pastors,evangelists. I AM retrofitting MANY to be apostolic...BUT, ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN WILLING TO PAY THE COST .MANY WANT APOSTOLIC POWER...BUT NOT,NOT THE CHARACTER BUILDING(Character Conversion of Sanctification)REQUIRED TO YIELD TO THAT POWER.

COMMENTARY:Unless we submit fully to that requirement,we cannot be called & be effective in what GOD called us to do.

MY BELOVED, so many are anemic because they have been fed by those who have grown fat,and NO LONGER LIVE MY POWERFUL LIVING WORD..ONLY SPEAK IT ..NOT ACTUALLY DOING IT.(obeying the WORD)much like the Pharisees of old.My retrofitting will destroy the yokes of the enemy that have tried to hinder and I WILL SWEEP CLEAN MY THRESHING FLOOR!

behold, I COME, and every knee will bow or be broken.Every heart will yield or be broken and crushed.Every mind will YIELD or be turned to corrruption.Behold! the SUDDENLIES you have been waiting for is AT THE DOOR!

Do not hesitate,for he who hesitates(double minded) is like the waves of the sea,being tossed to & fro.OBEY ME YOUR GOD & YOU WILL LIVE,DENY ME & YOU WILL PERISH.(KEY WORDS to remember)those who have been in PRETENSE..will be a painful time of realization.The river of LIFE & LOVE will flow into every crevice and corner of My church and it will no longer be subject as before to the things of the past.

COME TO ME YOUR JESUS, IAM THE LIVING WATERS..I AM ALL YOU NEED!
I LOVE YOU & CHERISH YOU UNLIKE THE WORLD THAT IS PERISHING.
I will never leave you nor forsake you,nor deny you,if you do not deny ME.

"Remember, I told you if the world hated ME,it will hate you.So do not be surprised when some DO NOT SHARE YOUR EXCITEMENT AT WHAT I DO NOW,THIS DAY,THIS PRESENT TIME.Do not be surprised when men's hearts show their hatred towards ME.They hated ME and they will hate you for all I will pour into you"

MATTHEW 25:40